Home Health Nurse turned Turkey Hunter

In my travels I have seen my share of interesting and out of place animals.  I’ve managed to kill a few as well.  I cannot be held responsible for the mass suicide by the squirrels this past spring, I swear they would wait until I was on the street and driving before they decided it was time to “end it all”.

In recent weeks I have seen a few foxes.  I’ve not seen many foxes before and I just found it odd that I saw two in one week.  The same week I saw two tortoises that I managed to avoid hitting.  I turned green with envy last winter when, to my surprise, I turned a corner on a lonely country road and found a flock of turkeys.  At first I thought they were buzzards swarmed around some road kill but as I got closer I realized that it was the elusive North American wild turkey.

Why green with envy you ask?  Well, I’m a bit obsessed with it to be honest.  A quick channel surf on Saturday morning through the outdoor channels will reveal any number of fishing or hunting shows.  I could care less about white tail deer or large mouth bass, but if there’s a show about turkey hunting, I’m all over it.  But I am dismayed at all of the stealth and camouflage needed to bring down, what amounts to, a large chicken with a brain no larger than my big toe.  According to turkey hunters, the wild turkey is a cunning, elusive creature that has evaded many a skilled hunter.  In my world, I’ve seen turkeys standing on the side of the interstate and even had a flock move through my yard.

My dream is to have my turkey stuffed and standing by my door when guests enter my home so they can pat it on the head.  Then I will regale my audience with tales of wild hunts through swamps and woods so that I could bag the fierce beast you see before you.  I would barely make it out alive!

The reality is I have made very little head way in my quest to kill a wild turkey.  If I had been a little quicker that day I may have been able to impale one with my Jeep.  But in my pea brain, I was avoiding them since I figured they were buzzards and the last buzzard I hit left a greasy spot on my windshield (yes, I hit a buzzard).

But home health affords you the opportunity to meet a wide range of people and learn from their past experience.  I had the pleasure of serving and meeting such a man, a feared turkey hunter in my area.  After all the necessary work of my visit was complete, he would school me for several minutes on the necessities of getting my first turkey kill.  At the end of his care, he gave me a wing bone turkey call that he made himself a number of years ago along with a turkey paper target that I could practice on until it was time for me venture into the woods and get my first kill.

So next spring I shall venture forth with my camouflage, shotgun and turkey caller and get my first kill.  I shall endure hoards of mosquitoes, snakes and brambles and in the end, emerge victorious with my trophy bird.  My friends should prepare for stories of harrowing escapes and cunning stalking, you’ve been warned.


What I Want for My Birthday


My birthday was yesterday.  In the lead up to the birthday I had all of the obligatory requests for gift ideas from my husband.  A week before said day arrived, I gave him my list of gift ideas.  It was a short list with only one thing.  “I want to quit my job and supplement our income by writing.”  You could have knocked him over with a feather and after the initial shock of my request wore off, I think he was actually a bit pissed off.  Needless to say, request denied.  Not because he doesn’t believe in my abilities or that I don’t write well, but I earn my living now in the world’s most secure profession, where article after article is written extolling the virtues of life in healthcare-I am a nurse.

Let’s clear a few things up about nursing and the healthcare field in general before we continue on.  Although I work for a private company doing home health nursing, I am nothing more than a glorified government employee.  Nearly every patient I see, every piece of paper I touch has been blessed in perpetuity by the United States government.  About 25% of what I do is patient care, the other 75% is compliance with some government program behemoth and I have had enough.

I first began writing for public consumption for my Jeep club newsletter, depicting the misadventures of families as they go forth in their Jeeps, meandering aimlessly through the woods, and the rather stupid things that were done, by highly educated people mind you, when we would go camping.  Our club was a mixture of blue collar families, middle management government employees, healthcare workers, contractors, advanced practice nurses and a world renowned pediatric surgeon.  All activities were fair game when it came time to publish the newsletter.  My highest accolade came from one of the clubs founders when he said, “I can’t wait to see how you get this down on paper.  When the newsletter gets here I immediately go into the bathroom to read it.”  When I heard that I thought if my writing qualifies as quality bathroom material, I may be on to something.

My writing was derailed however as I plowed my way through nursing school for sixteen months.  As a nursing student, nearly everything becomes less important.  But after sixteen months I prevailed with a newly minted nursing degree and I was off on life’s next big adventure.

There’s a secret in nursing that no one speaks openly about but I’ll let you in on it here.  There is no shortage of nurses.  Nurses are being cranked out of nursing schools left and right and jobs are scarce. It took me four months to land a job.  I took a job two hours from home and lived in a run down, mold infested mobile home for three days a week while I muddled through the first year to get the necessary experience to move into a job closer to home.  The job that brought me home turned out to not be so great and I escaped the confines of the hospital and moved into home health nursing.  Hospitals for nurses are like twelve hour prisons, you start at 6:45 and are confined to your floor for twelve straight hours, no lunch with friends at the local diner, no personal phone calls unless its an absolute emergency.  Home health allows you to make your own schedule based on the patient’s needs, you can start at 8, 9, 10 am and sometimes you’re done by noon.  What’s not to like?  The paperwork is not to like.  You might be done by noon but you’ll be charting until 6:00.  Whereas the hospital destroys your body, home health nursing destroys your car.  I’ve become more and more disenfranchised lately with healthcare as some of the new rules for reimbursements (how health related companies derives their money) have become more like penalties.  The pressure to perform has become a burden and I have grown weary of it.

This epiphany started in January of this year as I started pondering ways to escape my situation.  I began to read more and more about people earning extra income from writing.  I found some content mills, signed up, and started my freelance journey.  I stepped away for a while as my real job demands warranted more of my time.  But in June I needed to take a break from nursing, put some things in order around the house and I decided I would earn some cash from article writing.  I did earn about $200 for a whole month’s work but that was nowhere near what I need to earn.  And according to their expert editors, I still am not worthy enough of their higher rankings.  In July, I have been covering for two other nurses that have been on vacation and I am reminded, yet again, why I need to move forward with my writing.

I purchased someone’s e-book about writing letters to editors, writing for magazine’s, starting with smaller trade publications, all of which I could do.  I went so far as to make a spreadsheet of potential magazines I could contact to write for.  But I just have been unable to take that first step.  I am paralyzed by my fear of rejection.  I don’t know what it is but I cannot seem to move myself into that next realm of freelance writing.

So what would I do with a free subscription to Writer’s Den?  I would use the information there to shove myself violently out of my comfort zone and get serious about what it is I want to do with my life.  My job is flexible enough that I can start part time with writing and work my way up and out but I have GOT to get beyond my fear.  More reading and researching is not going to cure it because life’s greatest journeys start with the first unknown step.